Chessed

Adar/5781

Just a Little Background

Chessed

This month, the theme is CHESSED. We do chesed all the time and always view it as a mitzvah bein adam lechaveiro. But this is a really special mitzvah, and you will realize that it is a tremendous mitzvah for Hashem as well, benefitting Him, EVEN MORE than it is benefitting our fellow Jew! How??? Read below!!

Raising the Bar

Practical Tips on How to Improve in Chessed

• Give tzedaka. Even if it is a quarter (or a coin in some other currency)! You will read below how powerful it is to give tzedaka. You are making yourSELF into a giver!

• Make a point of saying good morning to someone you have nothing to do with. Either someone in your class, someone on the bus who you see every day, someone you pass on the street.

• If you go on a train to school or work, wave to the driver as he is pulling into the station! Think about it, no one ever says thank you to him (or her). He sits in the front in his own little driving room the whole day! I personally have done it a few times, I am serious, it makes their face light up!

• Smile and genuinely say thank you to someone who provides you with a service. Even adding the word “sir” or “ma’am” makes it more personal. To a busdriver, to a crossing guard. Even though you know how to cross the street on your own, THEY think they are doing you a great favor.

• Ask your cleaning lady how she is doing. Show you care! Like ask her something personal. How is your son, daughter, pet… Once you know their names, you can ask how they are by name! Imagine how she will feel! Imagine how YOU will feel!! (And don’t expect it, but you might just have a cleaner house! J) You can do this with the worker in your school or work as well!

• When you call someone on the phone, when you say “Hi, how are you”, add on, “I care!” Because if you think about it, almost all conversations start like this, “Hi, how are you?” “Baruch Hashem, how are you?” “Baruch Hashem!” … and then the conversation starts. Don’t you think that it’s funny how scripted we are? We just say it, like by rote! If someone would answer, “Terrible!” we would be struck dumb, we would just not know how to respond because they just went off script! It comes out of our mouth without us thinking about it, but don’t we care how the other person is doing? WE REALLY DO! So let us show that we do!

• All the time, on chats or in class, or any place there is a bunch of people, favors are needed. They need so-and-so’s number, a pencil, a cup of water, a tissue and so on. YOU BE THE ONE TO GRAB THAT MITZVAH!! We hear that mashal so often, that if a person in olam haba knew they could come to this world for 1 hour to get all the mitzvos they can, they would GRAB!!!! LIKE ITS WORTH DIAMONDS!! We hear this so much, its almost cliché! But THINK ABOUT IT!! This world is so short in comparison with olam haba which is forever!! AND IN FOREVER, YOUR CHANCE IS OVER!! GRAB! THESE! MITZVOS!! This is emes! THAT is why the mashal is repeated so often! (Even if something is hard. You know how people say, “I wouldn’t do it if you paid me a million dollars.” (for something not a mitzvah) BUT IF YOU WOULD DO IT IF SOMEONE WOULD PAY YOU A MILLION AND ONE DOLLARS, THEN THINK OF THE SCHAR!! ITS WORTH MUCH MORE THAN A MILLION DOLLARS!! BELIEVE IT!!!!).

• Give someone a compliment! It is so SO easy! NEWSFLASH!! WORDS. ARE. FREE! Crazy, no? But words carry such a power! Words can literally build or destroy worlds! Or a person! You know how if you save one person’s life, it’s like you saved the world? So if you help build a person with your words, you are BUILDING A WORLD!!  OLAM CHESED YIBANEH! THIS IS NO JOKE!

• IF YOU WERE INSPIRED BY SOMEONE OR SOMETHING, TELL THEM OF THE IMPACT IT HAD ON YOU!! Imagine how good they would feel! Whether its an author, a teacher, a speaker, a friend, a stranger, a singer, writer of an article in a magazine… who you noticed did something and you were inspired,  (You can write a letter to the author…)Put yourself in their shoes! Imagine how it feels to know that someone noticed and was inspired by something you did! A person doesn’t even know of the impact they are having unless they receive feedback! And do you know that for every 1000 readers of a book, only 1 or 2 actually let the author know how impacted they were? (I know someone personally who was inspired to become frum from a song! Imagine how the singer/composer would feel, knowing that there are generations of frum children and grandchildren, all because of his one song!)

• Call your grandparents to say hi! Especially now, in covid times, who knows how many visitors they are getting lately.

• Visit someone lonely! Bikkur cholim! Someone who wants company. Put yourself in their shoes! It feels sooo good to feel cared about.

 This is a tough one, but HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BY RABBI AVIGDOR MILLER! DO ONE CHESED THAT NO ONE ELSE KNOWS ABOUT. Once per day, once per week…  No one else on this earth saw you do it, but Hashem! This is so SOOO powerful! It forges such a connection with you and Hashem! You are sharing a secret with your Creator! You are not doing it for kavod or attention because no one knows! This can be something small! Like:

o   If you see that the roll of toilet paper is running out, refill it.

o   If you are walking down the street and there is a branch on the path, move it to the side.

o   Say a perek of Tehillim when you hear a hatzolo siren

·        Chesed begins at home!! How many times have we heard this? IT’S TRUE!! That’s why it’s repeated! Find something to help out with. There are countless things to be done!

Let's Explore

Chessed for Hashem

Make sure you are having the right kavanos when doing a chesed! When you read the following writeup, you will see how powerful chesed is! Chesed is a pillar of society, literally! "על שלשה דברים העולם עומד: תורה, עבודה, גמילות חסדים"

Did you ever have a day where right at the beginning of the day, you made a good choice, like you helped someone, or did something that was hard for you, but did it anyway, and then, because you made that one good choice, the rest of the day you were on a roll, and was just full of good choices? So, YOUR CHOICES SET YOUR STANDARDS! They really do! Once you make a decision, you just set the bar higher for yourself! By making the choice once to do a chesed, you are in essence leading yourself down a path of kindness. You are leading yourself down a path of chesed and giving. Every time you make a choice, you are forging a way down the path of your choice. MAKE SURE YOUR PATH LEADS UP! LEADS UP TO HASHEM! Whatever you decide to work on this month, know that you are really becoming a better person!

Rabbi Shimshon Pinkus shares something mindblowing on Chesed in his sefer, Nefesh Shimshon, Gates of Emunah.

He says that we find an interesting contradiction at the beginning of parshas Lech Lecha. The parsha starts off: ויאמר ה' אל אברם לך לך מארצך וממולדתך ומבית אביך אל הארץ אשר אראך  and Hashem told Avrom go for yourself, from your land, your birth place and your father’s home, to the land that I will show you. Rashi, on the words ולטובתך להנאתך"- לך לך” Go for your own enjoyment and good”. However, the next posuk says, "וילך אברם כאשר דבר אליו ה' " ,and Avrom went because Hashem told him to go. This sounds very nice, that Avrom is not going for his own benefit, however if he really wants to do exactly as Hashem told him, then he will go with the idea of going for his own benefit in mind, and not only because he was told to do so.

When we do a chesed for someone, such as giving money to a poor man, there are two parts to his action. One is that he is helping build the world and helping others live in the world – now the poor man will have what to eat, and secondly he is building himself (changing the world by changing himself), because now he is transforming himself into a baal chesed! Now if we think about it, which gain is the more important one? Says R’ Pinkus that the personal growth is the more important accomplishment here, and this is why Hashem told Avrom “I am telling you to go and do the mitzvah because I want YOU TO GROW, and build YOUR personality, and THIS is most important thing to me”.

Let us understand what it means to be a baal chesed. Avraham Avinu was known as a man of Chesed. Someone who does chesed is called a chasid, and Chazal say: “Who is a chasid? Someone who does chesed with his Maker.” (Zohar, Mishpatim 112b). True chesed that is done for Hashem, so to speak. What does this mean?

Chessed at its best is when you give someone a thing he truly needs. You give him something he doesn't have and can’t get.

Let’s say you give someone a candy when he already has a whole package of candies in his pocket. you did a chesed, but not a very great one. Whereas if the person has no candies of his own, no way to get any, and really needs a candy for some reason, then giving him one is a chesed.

Chazal ask: "who is a chasid?" In other words, they are asking how to do a true chesed. The answer is: by doing a chesed with Hashem. This is chesed at its best. What is a chesed for Hashem???

There is one thing that Hashem does not have, so to speak, and only man can give it to Him. It is when man perfects his own personality.  "Hakol biyidei shamayim chutz meyir'as shamayim" "everything is in the hands of Heaven except for fear of Heaven."

When a person corrects and perfects his own self, making himself into a better person, this is something that Hashem cannot do on his own, so to speak. If Hashem would try to make someone into a good person, the result would not be a good person. Perhaps it would be a good robot, or good angel, but not a good person. Making a good person is the only thing that Hashem doesn't have, and only we can give it to Him. 

When we give money to a hungry pauper, we believe that Hashem has decreed for this pauper to receive money. We are just the emissary, the messenger. If we do not give him money, someone else will. “Hashem has many emissaries”. Therefore, whatever we give the pauper is something he would have received anyway. This is a chesed, true! But WHAT IS THE GREATER ACCOMPLISHMENT HAPPENING HERE? YOU are becoming a better person through this act of chesed! YOU just made yourself into a better person, and thereby gave Hashem the best chesed you can! You just have to have that kavanna!

If you have 100 dollars and want to give it to tzedaka, how should you distribute the money? If you ask any Rav, he would tell you that rather you should give 1 dollar to 100 different organizations or paupers, than to give 100 dollars to one organization. But now you can understand why! Because if you give 1 dollar to 100 organizations, 100 TIMES, YOU ARE MAKING THE DECISION TO GIVE MONEY! ONE HUNDRED TIMES, YOU ARE BECOMING A BETTER PERSON!! As opposed to 1 time, giving it to one organization. (I understand that there is a difference between 1 dollar and 100 dollars, but the point is YOUR growth!)

Thank you everyone! May this be a month of growth, of growing close to Hashem! And maybe, just maybe, this will be the last Adar in galus!!!

(Sourced from Nefesh Shimshon, The Gates of Emunah)

(Some sources from Rabbi Zidell