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Family/Kibbud Horim
Nissan/5781
Just a Little Background
Family/Kibbud Horim
This month we will be focusing on Kibbud Horim/Family Ties. Perfect for Pesach! Sometimes it’s hard to put our family before friends. Sometimes it is hard to do chessed inside our homes before doing chessed outside our homes. Its so easy to take our family for granted, but we will learn this month that sometimes, putting our family first means putting HASHEM first!
Raise Your Bar
Practical Tips
Kibbud Horim:
Help out, there are so many ways to help if you just look for them!
When parent calls across house, come to them. I have said this before, but it’s a sign of respect. If there was a King calling you, you would RUN to them.
Stand up when parent walks in
Serve parents first by meal
Offer your parent a drink when he/she walk in the door
Ask how their day was before telling them about YOUR day. This shows them that their needs are more important to you than yours.
If you see your parent is doing something for themselves, ie, something fell and they are picking it up, RUN to do it for them.
Call parents if you’re not living at home, give a nachas call
Write a small thank you note, and stick it somewhere they will see
Learn the incredible life-changing book, “My Father my Mother and Me” by Rebbetzin Yehudis Samet
Learn the incredible life-changing book, “Honor Them, Revere Them", by Rabbis Shimon Finkelman, and Zecharya Wallerstein
Offer them “what can I do to help you today?”, before they have a chance to ask
Do jobs with a smile / answer “BISIMCHA” to different requests.
Family:
Spend time with your sibling.
Before going out, first do something with them
Help with homework
Make a point of schmoozing
Something that you plan on calling to tell your friend, tell your parent or sibling first, just to make a connection
Call a married sibling, or a sibling
Be mevater
Share something with them.
Read a sibling a book
Babysit sibs
Call grandparents
Let's Explore
Family Ties
I know a family that had a whole chart hanging on their fridge during corona with names of relatives. Every day, each person in the family had the responsibility of calling a different relative, so that each relative got a call every day. How is that for chessed at home?
We always learned that there are three partners in creating a person, Hashem and your parents. We must serve Hashem, but we must also serve our parents. The right side of the luchos are Mitzvos Bein Adam L’Makom. Kibud Av V’Eim is on the right side of the Luchos because recognizing that someone created you is the first step towards sourcing yourself back to Hashem. (-Rabbi Shmuel Reichman).
Let us ask ourselves a question: Most people would agree that it is more fun to help outside the house than inside the house. We tell ourselves that it’s because it’s a change of scenery, it’s more exciting… But here is a question: Maybe it is easier to do outside because we get more recognition? People appreciate us more? It is more impressive?
I had a teacher who said “Try to impress the Shechina, not the Shecheina” The shechina is Hashem, the shecheina is your neighbor. (Mrs. R. K.) In other words, do things for Hashem, and not because people are watching you. Do mitzvos lishma!
Let us look at this in a new way. Where is the shechina? Wherever you invite it in. YOU have to be the one to make your makom a place for the Shechina.
V’asu li mikdash vishachanti bisocham. (Shemos 25:8). Rashi on these words say “V’asu lishmi beis kedusha”, Make for a holy place for the sake of My Name. Make your home, Hashem’s home! Make your house a place where HASHEM wants to be! A place for Him to rest His Shechina!! And how do we impress the Shechina? How do we make our home into a living space we share with the King of all kings??? By doing mitzvos at home! By doing chessed at home, for you parents, siblings, and for Hashem! By doing Mitzvos in our own home, for our own family, it is true, we will get less recognition, but this is the EXACT idea of impressing the Shechina, and not your shecheina!
